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The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it.  Whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.  ~Rona Barrett

My diagnosis…A body, and mind that swim in opposite directions.  This is what I truly believe.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in September of 2000, he was worth every pain, and change to my physical, and mental health.  My body had swum upstream, and I was not ready to embrace the pains of chronic illness.  Hell….I had plans.  We all have them.  Why did I have to sit on the sidelines, watching friends bound towards their dreams, while I struggled to get out of bed, and raise my son?


We hear this from everyone, we nod, and smile.  We think, ” It Can’t Happen To Me.”

I am here to tell you that it WILL happen.  When it does, unless you embrace changes, and work with them, it could destroy you.    I forced myself to find positive things to focus on.  I had time to write.  I still had a voice, that has no intention of quieting down anytime soon….(  Much to the dismay of loved ones! :))

Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder will not destroy me.  If one road is unreachable, I will search for the detour.  There is strength in endurance, that I will hopefully find along the journey.

Excuse the Pollyanna attitude, but positivity helps get me through the dark times, along with some silliness, and good pizza…


I Choose Life

A year ago, today, my life, and health had spun drastically out of control.  I was taking so many pills, I could have put a  flashing sign in front of my house, that said ” Pharmacy”.

My Lupus was flaring almost weekly, and friends had begun questioning my ability to apply blush, due to the Butterfly Rash that was a permanent fixture on my face.  The constant rash, throbbing joints, and daily headaches were a mental, and physical buzzkill.

My marriage had fallen to tiny shards, in the wreck that had become my life.  My husband worked over 70 hours a week, and had no qualms about avoiding me mentally, and physically.  He routinely sat in front of the T. V., if he wasn’t at work, reminding me, ”  I am TRYING to watch this!”  ( This is said with a simultaneous eyeroll by him)  Needless to say, I had learned that forever meant,  as long as I am quiet….  I went in search of happiness on  my own.

On February 21st, 2010,  I moved out, taking nothing with me, but clothes, my precious son, and his toys.  I didn’t want my boy to grow up thinking that ours was a model for marriage, or life.  We came to live with old friends, and I went to work on someone who has been neglected for longer than I would like to admit….me.

In the course of the year, I found happiness, mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I no longer am dictated by pain, to bombard my body with painkillers.  I still have pretty horrific pain, but choose clarity of mind, over that type of, ”  Stick your head in pillow “, relief.

I learned who my friends are.  Those people who choose me, because of my”  Stranger Than Fiction” quirks, and love me regardless.  I have learned to love that dreamy, creative, and nonsensical girl that is me.

Last, but not least,  I found someone who loves me for all of these things, and more….I am reshaping my forever.

Is this a, ” Happily Ever After?”  YES.  Am I rolling my eyes?  NO.  Why????  It’s all mine, that’s why!!!!